we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Your penis caused this!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
