All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
