i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
