Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
