the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
