yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
