is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
