OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
