Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
