just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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