Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
