I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
