I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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