I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
