never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Randomize
