he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
