Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
