I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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