so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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