Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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