don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
