I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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