So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
