i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
