Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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