her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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