Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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