best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
