I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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