Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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