either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
