i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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