I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I need to calm my uterus...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
