just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
