I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
