How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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