no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
