i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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