It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
