Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
