Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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