I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
