12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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