is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
