last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
