"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
