I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
