My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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