you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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