she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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