Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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