When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
