Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
