Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
