My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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