Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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