Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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