Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
