Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
