just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
