i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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