just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
