literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
