you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
