I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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