the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
