fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
BRING THE BAGELS
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
