I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
