im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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