Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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