I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
