Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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