remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
