and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
