Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
