I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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