Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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