Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i was born a porn star she said
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
