I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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