Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
