It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
