i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
