Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
