It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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