This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
