I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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