Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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