Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
