If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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