What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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