Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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