i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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