Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
