i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
