i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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