Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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