Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
