I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
