I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
