If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
